So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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