1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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