North Korea, Best Korea!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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