How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
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