i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
