Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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