what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
