I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this boner is exhausting
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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