pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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