Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
