My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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