true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I intend to get homeless drunk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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