Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
