fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
