YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
