We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
