I can text with my tongue
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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