I am midnight drunk by noon
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
