he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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