Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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