my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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