I cockslap morals
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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