first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
