You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
