Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
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we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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