I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
