Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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