i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
