We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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