Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
