...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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