So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
