I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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