We're facebook friends in real life
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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