Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
