I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
