Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
