Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
