WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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