Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
