I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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