i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
