The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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