Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
