I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
