I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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