You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
