Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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