i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
