please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
