Screwed.edu
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
