Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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