I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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