Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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