I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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