ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
