nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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