Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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