I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
