dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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