Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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