did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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