I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
