Soap is not a condiment
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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