ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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