She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
