I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize