Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
