seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
