New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
