Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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