dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
