don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
