My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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