I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
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Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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