Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
