what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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