3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
