the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
