i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We need to get me chipped asap
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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