So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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