Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
