Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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