im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
