This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
